Yesterday afternoon we closed on Satan’s house. It was actually a very pleasant experience working with him to find the best options specifically for him. We started with the location, lot fifty-four. I was a little puzzled about why he didn’t request lot six hundred sixty-six, but he looked at me with this look on his face that just screamed come on . He explained that he didn’t believe in that numerology horse-puckey. I didn’t press the issue and moved onto floor plans.

He got a three bedroom one-story with three-car garage. It’s your basic for middle-aged one-point-five kids families looking for a nice move to the ‘burbs. We get that quite a bit, actually. Interesting fact here: Robert Logia lives in the same subdivision, I just remembered.

Oh right. I forgot to tell you. His new house? You’ll never guess where it is. I know, that’s what I thought, but actually his new digs is outside Jacksonville, Florida. Why he decided to build there I’ll never know. He told me it’s because it’s the farthest away from paradise he could find, but I’m not sure I take him at his word, Lord of Lies and all, you know.

All in all, it was a pretty pleasant experience. He was polite, a little creepy but generally nice. He actually came out to the site a few times during construction and joked around with the guys.

Hell, right. That’s the part I don’t get. I asked about how long his commute is, or I guess would be from Jacksonville, because at this point he was living out of a motel off 95. I mean, does he actually drive in to Hell or does he connect remotely and delegate rather than actually oversee things? He thought that was the funniest thing. He laughed for a good fifteen minutes on that one. I couldn’t get him to sign the papers until he wiped his eyes.